


Why Can't You Let Go?

by itsevan



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Backstory, Gen, Headcanon, Healing, Mental Health Issues, Post-Episode: s06e19 I Am My Monster, Pre-Episode: s06e20 The Future, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:00:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23571982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsevan/pseuds/itsevan
Summary: It's been a while since Steven's outburst, and he's been making great progress. But there's an influential figure in his life that causes more of his problems than any. Rose Quartz, Pink Diamond, anyway you put it, Steven can't stop his blood from boiling when he even thinks of her.
Relationships: Blue Diamond & Pink Diamond & White Diamond & Yellow Diamond (Steven Universe), Pink Diamond & Pink Diamond's Pearl (Steven Universe), Steven Universe & Pearl (Steven Universe), Steven Universe & Rose Quartz (Steven Universe)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	Why Can't You Let Go?

Another warm summer day passed in beach city. Steven sat on a reclining folding chair on the beach, sipping a lemonade, and wearing shades despite the sun setting an hour ago. Along with him was Pearl, she sat on the sand, listening to the waves, she seemed stressed. Steven had asked her to join him via a text message, and hadn't said anything to her other than “Hey Pearl, take a seat!” for five minutes, like he was trying to say something, but couldn’t get the words out. Steven too, was clearly feeling a bit anxious, as the ice from his lemonade hit his face when he failed to notice there was no more. But, as fate would have it, finally, Steven settled on an opener, “Y’know, I’m feeling a lot better now. Getting a therapist, understanding the trauma I’ve gone through. It feels like it’s been an eternity since my whole…” He trailed off, still feeling guilty for turning into that monster. “Steven,” Pearl began, “it wasn’t your fault.” “I know. I just wish I’d been able to control myself. I guess it’s not just the trauma, though. I was having some sort of identity crisis. Cause all of a sudden, I wasn’t Steven Universe anymore. I really did feel like a fraud.” 

“Do you… still feel that way?” Pearl questioned, unsure of the answer she’d get. Steven chuckled, “I’d be lying if I said no. I look at myself in the mirror every day, and it never gets less weird. I’m not the same Steven I was before. When anyone, even me thinks of the name ‘Steven Universe’, you don’t think about the crazy teen with an anger issue. You think of the plucky kid who saves the universe, and helps his friends deal with their issues. I just… I was always the rock for other people, it didn’t feel right to need someone to help me, right?” Pearl thought she realized where he was going with this, as when she lost Rose, she went through the exact same problem. “Do you need help dealing with those issues? Is that why you asked me to come out here?” Steven hesitated, “Sort of, I need to ask a favor of you.” After hesitating a bit longer, he began again. “My therapist helped me realize that my… hatred of my own mom is unhealthy. Hearing her name, or even just thinking about her puts me on edge still.” Steven’s skin turned very slightly pink. “Sorry. I just wanted to know if you could talk to me about my mom, truthfully. My therapist didn’t know her, but you did.” 

Pearl’s eyes lit up “You want me to tell you about Rose? Well of course! Despite her flaws she was a strong, and fierce warrior, she did everything she could to protect this planet from the diamonds, even sacrificing her own status as one! It was remarkable to be a part of her life.” Steven’s skin glowed brighter, before fading back. “Pearl, no. I’m sorry but I’ve heard that story so many times. My therapist told me that for most of my life, Rose was put on this pedestal of perfection in my head, like she could do no wrong. I guess that learning slowly, the things she did, just dismantled that, and left me feeling kind of betrayed by her. But I have to learn and understand her, so that I can forgive her. Pearl, when you fused with Volleyball, you said you now understand her. I’d like to get to know the Pink Diamond side of her better.”

Pearl winced, “Steven, wouldn’t it be better for Volleyball to tell you these things? Sure I was with your mother when she was still a Diamond, but I was honestly barely even sentient!” “Well yeah, that’s the thing, I couldn’t find her. The gems down at Little Homeworld told me she went with the Diamonds back to Homeworld when they last visited.” Pearl seemed confused, “That doesn’t seem like something she’d want to do…” “Yeah, I thought the same thing, I was even considering warping up there to make sure everything was fine, but I’ve got to stop taking on other people’s worries and stresses. Besides, everyone said she seemed fine when she left. So I say, let her do whatever she needs to do.” Steven really had changed, he was learning a sort of restraint, adjusting to not being needed anymore. But Pearl still felt uneasy with this situation, not wanting to anger Steven with the tales of his mother, but if it would help him, she felt he deserved to know the full truth. 

“Well, as I was fused with Volleyball, I got a lot of her memories and feelings of your mother... and a lot of arguments she had with the other Diamonds. She was an entirely different person when I was” she cleared her throat, “assigned to her. I’ll tell you everything I know about her life.” Pearl began her story, recounting Pink and Volleyball’s relationship on Homeworld. Originally, Pink saw having a Pearl as a thing that all Diamonds needed, and for a while, she was obsessed with asking the other Diamonds to give her one. Of course, Pink was very persuasive with Blue, who ended up being the one who caved and got her one. She was ecstatic, having her Pearl do everything for her. She’d use her Pearl as entertainment, like a toy. But as she kept this up, her Pearl began to act strangely. She began to make jokes, even when she wasn’t instructed to do so, she hummed songs, danced, and talked to Pink all on her own accord. That was her first indicator that Pearls weren’t just servants. Just like any other gem, they had their own passions, their own personalities, their own lives. 

Pink went to the other Diamonds to tell them what she’d learned from her Pearl. Of course they first thought that Pink was complaining more, and wanted her Pearl rejuvenated so she’d stop acting up. But Pink described how close she’d grown with her Pearl, and how she wouldn’t let that happen to her. The other Diamonds discussed amongst themselves, not whether or not Pink had a point, but what to do with her. Always an annoyance in their eyes, of course Pearls were just servants. To even consider otherwise was nonsense! Blue suggested that perhaps Pink is lonely, creating a bond with such a lowly gem as a Pearl. That’s when they shooed Pink out of the room, to discuss it further. For a long while after that, Pink spent every moment with her Pearl, having fun, getting to know each other, making up games, it was troubling to the other Diamonds. How Pink was spending her time making friends with her servant, while she’s supposed to act like a Diamond. 

In response to her unorthodox behavior, The Diamonds gave Pink a new playmate, Spinel. Now she had a gem whose purpose was to entertain, now of course she’d put this whole mockery of their image to rest. But Pink didn’t stop, in fact this just added a third to her group. The other Diamonds were baffled, how she could still be friends with her Pearl? In a haste, they created the garden, and made Spinel live there. So that whenever Pink needed to have a friend around, she could head to there. The only catch was that Pearls weren’t allowed in, and Spinel was never to leave, effectively separating the trio. But it still did nothing to stop Pink from being friends with both Spinel and her Pearl. What The Diamonds failed to realize was that the bond they shared wasn’t based on loneliness, but on something she never had before with them, genuine companionship.

Pink wasn’t stupid, she knew what the Diamonds were doing. Locking Spinel away from her Pearl, trying to force their will on Pink, and the only thing that kept them from rejuvenating her Pearl was that they didn’t want the headache it would cause when Pink would find out. She saw right through their actions, and she hated them. Once again, she was being ignored. They never listened to her, they always thought they were better than her. She still didn’t even have a colony to call her own, and now they’re trying to separate her from her friends. Pink decided to take a stand for herself and what she believed, in whatever little ways she could. She tried showing The Diamonds what her Pearl was capable of, but the Diamonds were insulted when Pink insisted that they let her Pearl speak to them as an equal, and locked her in the tower until she would apologize. She tried multiple times to get them to listen to her, but they wouldn’t, always getting angry at her, and sending her to the tower again. This treatment didn’t make Pink feel sorry for what she’d done, it just stoked the flames of her anger, she’d apologize to the Diamonds just to leave the tower, and then go off to her room where she would vent her anger to her Pearl. But as time went by, she’d get angrier. Until one day, she’d had enough of them treating her this way, and she had an outburst so bad, that she snapped and yelled at her Pearl, sending a shockwave through her room. When she looked over, realizing what she’d done, there was a crack on her gem, and she couldn’t heal it. So she hid her Pearl in her room.

Steven sat in complete silence, waiting for Pearl to finish the story. But, “That’s all the information I got from Volleyball. I thought you knew the rest. She later insisted on tagging along on a trip to the Kyanite colony, since Blue was the one who would at least occasionally listen to her. She tried to prove that all life was precious and worth protecting, but ended up causing a scene when she took some of the creatures back to the palace, and once again, was put in the tower. Despite her apology and pleading, from that day forth she never saw her Pearl again. Then, they assigned me to her, I was formed with care, the Diamonds did everything they could to try to make my servant spirit unbreakable. But, if they were successful then we wouldn’t be here!” Steven was still, watching the waves again. “Thanks, Pearl. I think I needed to hear that.” “Do you still hate her?” Steven contemplated for a moment, and said “No, I don’t think I do.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading the first chapter, I'll try to do this on a somewhat consistent schedule, but we'll see how long that lasts. At any rate, I hope you enjoyed it, I'm looking forward to making more!


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